Current mood:	bouncy
Current music:	Big Bang - Lie
Entry tags:	big bang, kichul, lie

KiChul
For fullofhappiness because she's the only one I know who likes KiChul (and because she asked for it.)





It was cold.

It amazed Heechul that he could actually feel something, other than emptiness and a bit of guilt. The other members worried, because the once happy, in your face Heechul was gone, replaced with this empty shell Heechul. A Heechul who would snap at any time. There was something wrong with him.

He wasn't whole anymore.

That's what was wrong. He promised himself that he would never let any break-up get him down, or make him this upset, but he broke it.

Nobody could cheer him up. All Heechul did was eat, sleep, and think. He wouldn't reduce himself to crying, but he came oh so close.

It hurt.

He told himself he'd be over it by the end of the week. Over his heartache and pain, and he'd be back to the old Heechul.

It had been a month.

It wasn't right. If love was strong, and love was forever, then where did it go? Obviously, it left when he did.

Love was just a four letter word.

With blank and dark eyes, Heechul got off of his bed, walking to the kitchen, his feet dragging along the way. Sungmin was in the kitchen, getting himself a small snack. When he heard Heechul come in, he gave a bright smile, offering some chocolate.

"Are you feeling better, Heechulie?"

"Do I look like I'm fucking feeling better? No, idiot."

Sungmin's smile turned into a frown, tears brimming his eyes. His eyes watched his younger bandmate's tears fall over his eyelids and stream down his face.

"I was trying to be nice."

Ryeowook peeked his head into the kitchen and immediately flushed, running to Sungmin. He comforted the blonde haired boy, with a small hug and kiss. Heechul glared at the two, feeling his heart beat faster in want.

He still had a heart? He thought it got torn out.

He turned around to leave the kitchen, but paused when he saw a pair of dark eyes on him. The black haired, younger boy stared back at him, his eyes and face giving away nothing.

Heechul grew angry. He could just sit there, feeling nothing, while Heechul felt all the guilt and need?

"Fuck you."

Heechul shouted and grabbed a picture frame, throwing it against the awll. He didn't stay to see the mess, but he heard the large crack of glass as it hit the wall. He heard worried shouts and yells but he ignored them as he stalked to his room, slamming the door behind him.

He fell onto his bed and into plagued dreams.

He was falling. Falling into blackness, unable to stop himself.

Then, he was on his feet, staring into black eyes. The person's lips whispered something unaudible, and then, those same lips pressed against his. He closed his eyes and reached his hand out to touch the boy's face but..

It disappeared.

Heechul opened his eyes and looked around for that boy he still loved, but he only got echoing whispers.

"It's over."

Heechul grew frantic as he looked all around, but the black around his was just endless. He was falling again.

"No, I don't want it to be over!"

"It's over."

"Stop it!" He yelled out, voice cracking.

Heechul woke up in a sweat.

Another bad dream. They weren't odd anymore; he would have nightmares once every two days, other times, it was just restless sleep.

Why was he so attached? It was just one boy, out of millions on the planet. He could get over it, he really could. He would go out there, and tell him that he was letting go.

He turned his eyes to a chair near him and stared at the dark figure sitting there. Heechul's eyes darkened, before he pointed to the door.

"Get the fuck out."

"We need to talk, Heechul."

Heechul glared with fierce eyes at his ex-lover, before he started yelling.

"Get the hell out of my room, I don't want you here! Get out, out! Get out now, Kibum!"

Kibum got up, walking slowly towards Heechul. He stopped in front of the older boy, eyes peering down at the distressed boy. Neither spoke, they just stared into each other's eyes. Kibum brought a trembling hand up to stroke Heechul's face, before he whispered in a low voice.

"I'm sorry.. I love you.. It was all a lie."

"I don't care." Heechul smacked Kibum's hand away, pointing to the door. "You messed this up, you deal with the consequences. We're over Kibum, you said so yourself. Now get out. I'm tired of seeing your ugly face."

Kibum didn't move, flinch or anything.. he just leaned down and kissed Heechul, before walking out, whispering.

"I love you."

The door shut and silence took over the room.

Heechul laid down, taking heavy breaths, thinking about what Kibum said. "I love you" repeated in his head over and over, but he shook those words out. Kim Heechul didn't need love. He didn't need anything or anyone, especially Kim Kibum. He only needed himself, from today on. He promised himself this, and this time, he would keep it.

He closed his eyes, falling into a dreamless sleep.






Kibum frowned, as Hechul looked at himself one more time in the mirror. He didn't understand why, whenever they kissed, he couldn't put his hands through Heechul's hair.

"You're not perfect, you know."

"What are you talking about? Yes I am." Heechul grinned at himself, before putting his mirror away. He glred at Kibum, smacking his shoulder. "I am."

Kibum glared and got off the couch, rubbing his shoulder.

"It's not all about you, Kim Heechul. Sometimes, I want it to be about me."

Heechul blinked before rolling his eyes.

"It's about you, too Kibum."

"What? 3 minutes out of 24 hours?"

Heechul wasn't going to back down. He was right (he was always right), and this time was no different.

"Well, if you don't like it, then break up with me."

"Fine."

Heechul blinked, his tactic seemingly having a different effect than he wanted. "What?"

"It's over."

Heechul blinked, not understanding. Over? He didn't want it to be "over". "You're kidding."

"I'm not kidding, you stupid asshole. I'm telling you it's over. You don't need me anyways, you have yourself and your fucking mirrors. So, if you want someone to kiss and love, look at yourself. Because I'm done with you. Go fuck yourself Kim Heechul. I'm done."

Kibum threw his stuff down, walking off to the hall where all the Super Junior bedrooms were. Heechul heard something slam, and something break, but he just stared forward.

It was over? It couldn't be over.

The front door opened, and Kangin and Eunhyuk walked in, talking idly to each other. They glanced at Heechul, then each other, then back at Heechul.

"Hey, Chul, are you okay?"

Heechul looked at Kangin before nodding slowly.

But he wasn't okay, and he wouldn't be for a long time.